Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Reminiscing

Its about making peace with your past and moving on.. Its about knowing who you are and making sure that the past doesn't entangle you anymore. It's about missing home so intensely that hearing the voice of your parents for 10 minutes suffices to make you happy when you used to hear them every goddamn day of your life before you went away.

Its more than that. Its those little things that make you weep, make you feel happy, like listening to Tamil songs on the fucking Internet so you could hear someone speak your mother tongue..going to eat crappy Indian food so I could remember what it was like and then wondering what the fuck did I spend that much money for?

Its about not regretting the bad that has happened but learning from the shit and thinking what, where,why, how did I ever think that was going to be ok and work for me..but NEVER regretting..regret brings tears, sadness to the heart and there is never any point in thinking about the fucking 'ifs' of life.

Its learning to be independent and making sure that your bills are paid on time and no one is trying to fuck you over with the bills..calling your electric company and holding on for 10 mins before you spoke to Sophie from Pune who is going to tell you about your electric bill in Manchester. Talking to her about weather in Pune and telling her how you missed home.

Coming back home with your accent and having people make fun of you. An accent you didn't choose to incorporate but has become part of your makeup now. Why do people make fun of things they don't understand, it is supposed to make it easier? I wonder...Not knowing what you were going to do, if you were going to get work or do what. Thinking about joining the BPO industry because your accent might help you which it very well might have. How ironic that thought is!

Working at a place where they only spoke Marathi and you with your accent etal trying to fit in and doing a danged fine job of it as well. Fitting in with relearning Marathi, being compliant with hazaar shit and wearing clothes that are not really you. Something rebels within at the thought of doing things that are not you and don't fit that label that you have made for yourself. So you move onto what you think are bigger things and get stuck with egomaniacs. Learn how to deal with patronizing bastards who don't respect your work and realize the fundamental importance of being yourself, earning money and a boss who respects you and your work.

The keystones for working now are set and knowing that these three things are important make a difference when you are 25. Moving on again difficult but done on terms chosen by you. Enough to make a smile break out :)

At a point where wanting to get back into chosen vocation is a decided factor. There is need for it because it is missed so intensely. Need to get back on track now....

2 comments:

deepika said...

:) complete agreement occurs

Desertsmissingtherain said...

Like it more each time I read it...

Quite simply, your best written piece.

Love,
M.