Wednesday, September 20, 2006
This morng, had massive fite with mother..why is it first thing on a Sat morning that happens unless I am working and can avoid...but well, it happened. We fought, I cried, she cried..same ole same ole...I want and wish sometimes I wasn't such a cow and that my father was back and that life was about much more than this.. But here perhaps I am being selfish and think it is and I am experiencing it all.. so guess that is all even and square..
Mom has convinced me to apply for another MA whereby if I get scholarship I can do padhaai again..an awesome idea, did some homework and found wot I wanted..let's see, shall show the mother and see what she says abt it...
I did something last Sat and well, I don't regret..soulless but satisfying neverthless..want to be built differently without going into casual bs but well again if wishes were horses.. I tried to be good gurl but all bollocks that is..so mite as well do wot u want, and don't fucking regret it...v v important lesson..
Was walking with the sister in the market and saw orchids, remembered the ex...he loved them and still remember the look on his face when I bought him one the first time around..he loved it...nice memory....its interesting that from all the crap, nice memories do exist....
Everything in ephermeral innit? I mean literally everything..moments, sex, happiness, sorrow, every fucking thing..is there anything we can hold onto and not let go?? Its not possible..even family..there one day and gone the next..hate the way families function sometimes...relatives be damned sometimes...
All been tangential thoughts..felt like saying that..and this and lot more..probably seems a very confused post but wtf...my thoughts..I am censuring wot I say here, don't like it but well people read and people made judgements...someone told me something abt their past and the first thing I got asked is if I am going to judge..in a society where I am the way I am and living with the way I choose to live my life.. I refuse to judge or atleast fucking try very very hard not to in any case....its v v imp not to...my strong belief...
I want a holiday away frm city and family and everyone I think.. I am going to Mahabalipuram fr NY..Have deciced..I dont care even if I am alone..just me and the blooddy temples and the beach...I am looking forward to it man...I am gng to do some homework on this and get the hell out of here fr NY...away frm crass commercialism, work and a helluva lot more.. want out...badly and if this is something I would have succeeded in doing, I am going to be very very happy..it would literally be the fulfillment of a lifelong dream for me to go there....
Enuf catharcism now..I hope the remaining 2 days of this weekend go well....need a break and need some fucking alcohol in my system to make me happy man..total bargh eet ees..
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Small excerpt which should be mentioned here which was bootifully beetchy..
"An acquaintance of Belinda's says: "Bill was always more interested in her money than her breasts." Still, you can't help but wonder if his ultimate fantasy revolved around Hillary in the White House and Belinda running Canada: Which G8 leader should I visit this weekend?"
As lines go that is awesomeness incarnate..today was supposed to be daru day but well that didn't happen in the end..too bad..didn't get to meet Rosie as well.
Bought new fone..so bootiful and black and sexy it looks..love eet....:)
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Was home early on Monday and did normal things. Went looking for my new fone and found and I be buying it this week, perhaps today itself. 6020 it being..wheee..spending a load of money on oneself is scary..5000 bucks just going away like that on something material I desire..niceness :)
I read the newspapers after a long time, cover to cover, back to back..was fucking awesome catching up on news. 9/11 was all over of course but apart from that, something else I read about stands out in my head..This woman with her 4 kids decided to immolate herself in front of the UP Assembly..it said she wasn't allowed to do so..I mean yeh ok, wot next? She was protesting brutal treatment from her cop husband! Can you imagine that...I mean she is so fucked up that she needs to fucking burn herself and her children so that someone notices..Its like a story untold..
I wanted to know what would happen next..would she survive? What happened to her kids? What happened to her husband? Wtf man..wot kinda fucking country do we live in?
This morning coming back from my run, I saw a man peeing in the gutter. Common enough occurence you would say, I felt sad, this man had no dignity even for doing something as basic as peeing..women all over rural India don't have proper toilets to do morning ablutions..blooddy wot country I am living in...
Last week was the most hellish week I have had in da job. Bad motherfucking sheet it was..Died and was reborn again..7 days I put in for that fucking NFL to go on production and without Shilpi, Payal,Rameet's help would have been fucking unthinkable....Madnesss it was...reminded of me pre-launch days.
I have been having a good social life these past 2-3 weeks and my fucking bank balance is going bonkers..bastard raise diya aur yehi haal hota hai..But daru is good for soul and heart and I started running again....so wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..O n O from me, enuf blathering today...
Hope weekend is good...:)
Monday, September 11, 2006
Once I dated a woman I only liked 43%.
So I only listened to 43% of what she said.
Only told the truth 43% of the time.
And only kissed with 43% of my lips.
Some say you can't quantify desire,
attaching a number to passion isn't right,
that the human heart doesn't work like that.
But for me it does-I walk down the street
and numbers appear on the foreheads
of the people I look at. In bars, it's worse.
With each drink, the numbers go up
until every woman in the joint has a blurry
eighty something above her eyebrows,
and the next day I can only remember 17%
of what actually happened. That's the problem
with booze-it screws with your math.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
That line about the unforgiving minute is so bootiful..I love eeet..Thank u Mitra :)
Monday, September 04, 2006
"Gimme a break. I'm being made to sound like this slut, hopping and skipping from one man to another when in fact I don't have a man in my life. How I wish at least one of these rumours were true."
And there is more...
That is bad copy and we should all spot the spelling mistake(s) in this last line. SB, you can do honours pls.....
You can read more @ http://content.msn.co.in/Entertainment/Bollywood/Bollywood_SantaBanta_010906_424.htm
Let's meet this week guys.....pls lets be doing dinner......:)