Death...

This morning, my periappa passed away. Periappa in Tamil means Older/Elder father. So this was my Dad's older brother who lived 15 mins away from us. Never knew him well but my cousins I did know much better and got along very well with too. He was a nice guy I guess but really speaking you would need to be close or really feeling for that person to know the person inside out. On the other hand, the cousins r very funny and love them to death. This obviously has hit Periamma and the boyz hard.

I initially thought I would not feel much, I mean I hardly know the man..but started crying when I was sitting next to Periamma, hugged her tite and held onto her..Situations like this always remind me of when Amma (my mom's mom) passed away. It was one of the most 'traumatizing' (hate that word here but is true) experiences of my life. I miss her so much. When I looked at periappa's body lying there, realised life is too fucking short to worry about this and that. One minute is all it takes to go away and leave grief behind.

I saw naked grief today especially when Chotu broke down near his Dad. It was hard for me to let him be and at a point could not bear his grief and felt needed to touch, hold and hug him to make him feel better. I did and to some extent alleviated my pain at his grief. I certainly hope it helped him. I did airport duty today when I picked him and always remember when Man would talk about it. On this occasion, it is not a chore but something I want to do for the family and for myself in that I am helping out. He looked so dazed and am so so glad that I did what I did..Tmmrw, I intend to go pick S up as well and like I told Periamma its important to do these things as well.

I did fite today with well intentioned loud relative. So some Southie thing where when you leave the house you don't say bye to the family concerned. This apparently means that you are going to come back because there would be death in the family again or some such crap. Fucking crappy traditions! Pretty much told him FO and went and gave big hug to both of them before I left.

Some things I learnt- practicalities after a death are hazaar, the priest must be summoned, death certi must be obtained, yeh woh and all that. It apparently costs Rs 100 to keep a dead body at the morgue. Just Rs 100 is the worth of a life well lived!! Three days, Rs 300!! I am disturbed by this notion I guess. Understand why and what not but still feel upset about it!!

Sat is when it is all going to be over. Rituals, traditions, vadiyar (priest in Tamil) and everything else happening then..

I was unsure about how appropriate it was writing about something so personal on such a public domain but cathartic comes to mind in some way and I love catharcism (Is that a word anticaps?) so guess here goes...Enuf for now..adieu