Sunday, December 16, 2007

Photographs, French et la vie

Saturday nite - 21.30 pm

Photographs and my obession with them. Some months back I had written a post about seeing photographs everywhere. I have become seriously obsessed ever since I got in my possession a S-700 Cybershot – my own digital camera. People accuse (perhaps a strong word) me of being trigger happy and keep telling me off about my camera obsession. I thought about the reasons why and perhaps my justification for my trigger happy self. I love taking snaps- I am an amateur in every sense of the word- (personal confession time) upto the point where A pointed out to me that I only needed to half press the trigger point in order to avoid blurring. (Shrug of shoulders) I am an ignoramus – wot else is there to say? :)

I will be departing for foreign shores soon. Another 6 months and I will be off. Memories can be found in your head and I reckon in digital cameras too! :) More than things, trees, skies (which acc to my Mom is my fave subject) I want ppl to be there in the snaps I take. People who mean a lot to me and have been a part of my life. I know this time/phase will never be repeated again. Consider it so – friends and family frozen in that moment forever.

Tangent(s) starts - I am desperate to speak in French. All the time I want to lose myself in the language, roll my r's, not pronounce what I can't and not supposed to. Listen to Madeleine Peyroux and know the words of what might come to be my wedding song :) I love French and want to reconnect with it. Know the words of songs, get my accent and tenses right (very importante en la Française) Mahmah has encouraged me a lot and I told her I dream of the day when I can do a conversation in French with her without missing a beat.C'est importante parler en la Française toujours parceque j'aime la langue la Française. (Slight bow I can allow myself perhaps, non?)

At S's partee S spoke about me. It was weird to hear about myself. You behave, you act and perhaps you think you are being yourself. You are not someone else. I sound crazy don' I? But I think most times we are all playing parts – mother, sister, daughter, friend, confidante, lover, music lover, dancer....I can continue but you are getting the point. Sometimes, I overplay my part, I can accuse myself of underacting too. All the parts come together to make me (now I reiterate a friend's favourite lines I think) and they fight against each other too.

Emotions don't get left out. I am at the mercy of my emotions. I recognise that part of myself and live with it everyday. I learn and at the end of the day try to make peace with myself. This I do with family I suspect knows so little about me sometimes, I am a stranger here who lodges, eats and leaves for work..perhaps a slight exaggeration I can allow myself?

I am possessive and I care too much. I know this part of me too. It will always be my downfall. Always. But making peace happens because I don't live on that deserted island. I live with people who care for me, lift me from where I am broken n weary and bring me back to a place where I allow myself to smile again. Those green meadows are there, waiting for me to walk on, the soles of my feet want to feel the crispyness of the grass blades under them. Crunch crunch..yellow flowers by the wayside..the sun shines on me and le ciel est blue the eyes hurt. I am there and yet nowhere..I float along and there will be salvation for me. I know it as much as I know I am meant to make my mark on this world. People are going to remember me with joy, sadness, love and fuck I sound like I am going to die, aren't I? BC, saala that Sacred Games book did leave a mark on me! :)

So blame this post on an awesome book called Sacred Games. Its Vikram Chandra's magnum opus. Took him seven years to write and man, its phatte...good read and worth every pie I paid for it. Je departe pour a partee where I will make merry and drink and eat good food. Excusez moi, s'il vous plaît...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Friday, December 07, 2007

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Monday, December 03, 2007

In the stillness of the night

The slight breeze ruffles the flower petal

It moves without momentum


I have been walking for aeons

Without finding myself

Losing myself in the confines of meaningless sex

Lie down on the soft sand

Wait for a lover to pass me by

Hold hands indulge in soft laughter

Remember bygones time

Nostalgia is a hard mistress

She makes me ache, weep and moan

The promise of what will become another memory

Beckons me into another pair of arms

My weekend

After a very long time I am writing about my weekend. I had a very nice one - did different things and each gave me pleasure of a different sort.

Friday nite I went for an awesome concert. Smritiyaan organised at Shanmukhananda Hall.

Hariprasad Chaurasia and Vijay Ghate

The Pohankar and Ranjit Barot ensemble tht sucked!

Sitara Devi who at the age of 92 rocked ass!

We had amazing Udipi food and kapi this whole day..I loved eet...

Saturday I had to go to Xaviers and found myself overcome with emotion being there .

First Quad with the Basketball Court

Returned home and watched 'Thank you for Smoking'. Good flick. You root for the protagonist even though logically you know he is an asshole who is 'paying his mortgage'. His kid adores him n vice-versa n that actually to me made the flick good.

Saturday nite got drunk with Dee. Whisky sours rock at CL man. We walked for a bit and she said it perfectly, ' Why do I feel like I am floating?' Hahhhaahaha..Niceness that was.

Sunday morning dawned with a fite first thing in the morng re brekkie. My sister got a much larger portion than me and I fought. I laffed at myself at this one - a 26 yr old fighting with her Pop coz he gave the younger sibling more brekkie. :D

I went for dance class on Sunday evening and it rocked..Waheeeeeeeeeeeeee...I love dancing and I have decided am gng to do as much as possible :) 15 more classes of Intermediate to go so I quite look fwd to it.

Here's to more weekends like this. Chin chin ....