The bootiful English language, my lifeaseetees and much more right here...

That link should tell you more about the English language and its beauty..Best word in there in my opinion is Honorificiabilitudinitatibus...I can pronounce that word btw and spell it out without looking at it, something that makes me happy...we gotta have small pleasures in life rt....

This morng, had massive fite with mother..why is it first thing on a Sat morning that happens unless I am working and can avoid...but well, it happened. We fought, I cried, she cried..same ole same ole...I want and wish sometimes I wasn't such a cow and that my father was back and that life was about much more than this.. But here perhaps I am being selfish and think it is and I am experiencing it all.. so guess that is all even and square..

Mom has convinced me to apply for another MA whereby if I get scholarship I can do padhaai again..an awesome idea, did some homework and found wot I wanted..let's see, shall show the mother and see what she says abt it...

I did something last Sat and well, I don't regret..soulless but satisfying neverthless..want to be built differently without going into casual bs but well again if wishes were horses.. I tried to be good gurl but all bollocks that is..so mite as well do wot u want, and don't fucking regret it...v v important lesson..

Was walking with the sister in the market and saw orchids, remembered the ex...he loved them and still remember the look on his face when I bought him one the first time around..he loved it...nice memory....its interesting that from all the crap, nice memories do exist....

Everything in ephermeral innit? I mean literally everything..moments, sex, happiness, sorrow, every fucking thing..is there anything we can hold onto and not let go?? Its not possible..even family..there one day and gone the next..hate the way families function sometimes...relatives be damned sometimes...

All been tangential thoughts..felt like saying that..and this and lot more..probably seems a very confused post but wtf...my thoughts..I am censuring wot I say here, don't like it but well people read and people made judgements...someone told me something abt their past and the first thing I got asked is if I am going to judge..in a society where I am the way I am and living with the way I choose to live my life.. I refuse to judge or atleast fucking try very very hard not to in any case....its v v imp not to...my strong belief...

I want a holiday away frm city and family and everyone I think.. I am going to Mahabalipuram fr NY..Have deciced..I dont care even if I am alone..just me and the blooddy temples and the beach...I am looking forward to it man...I am gng to do some homework on this and get the hell out of here fr NY...away frm crass commercialism, work and a helluva lot more.. want out...badly and if this is something I would have succeeded in doing, I am going to be very very happy..it would literally be the fulfillment of a lifelong dream for me to go there....

Enuf catharcism now..I hope the remaining 2 days of this weekend go well....need a break and need some fucking alcohol in my system to make me happy man..total bargh eet ees..