I can't deal with it, I want to forget this happened. I now know why people move on, why people become so indifferent. I got home after a marathon drinking session (even for me) and well my Mom starts talking about what the newspapers have been talking about. I have't even sat and read today's newspapers. I am sick of it. I want to treat it as a bad memory and READ MY LIPS HERE- I WANT TO FORGET.
These bastards come here and fuck with my city. Does it make it right for me to forget? I want to do things that make me forget this shit ever happened. Get hammered, smoke some weed, have sex and listen to music. It helps I think. Or maybe it doesn't. It probably brings this ghastly reality much more closer than I would like for it to be.
I shed a few tears this morning as I sat on my living room sofa staring into that nothingness which seems part of me. I feel numb. My friend said to us last night, 'I could have at Leopold's' & we made so much fun of him. I think it was our way of coping and realizing thank God he wasn't.
Moving on is not an option. I must stop, stare this moment in its face, fight with the demons that arise and then only will I be free. Or will I?